I don’t know anything.

05 Mar 2010 1 Comment

by amandachavez in Thoughts

Well it is officially not my birthday anymore. (Not a invitation for more birthday wishes i promise haha) And I have been doing alot of thinking about the last year. I have learned and been through a whole lot but one thing I have realized is that I don’t know anything. The older I get the more I realize how little I know and how MUCH I need God. I mean seriously need God. Ive just felt so humbled and kind of broken lately. I think it all started last weekend when Cornerstone put on Serve Day. I opted to go with helping work on food packs for Haiti. I was apart of the 4th shift of folks to go so we only had 21,000 left to take care of. Sounds like a ton I know but it only took about half an hour of actual work to complete those. The rest of the time was training and clean up. (Our church did 140,000 total) And in working I stopped to look at the bags for a second and was blown away by the fact that one of those bags was six servings of food. So basically one meal for a 4-6 person family. For those who dont know the bag was pretty much some rice, soy powder, bouillon, and some dehydrated vegetables. I probably waste more food than that in a week. There is no other way to put it but I felt humbled. As I was coming home trying to plan lunch I was thinking about going to pick something up because I had “nothing” in the pantry and then I thought of the food bags…..I felt so humbled and broken for those people whose lives depend on those small bags of dry food ingredients and while I have a pantry full of food that classifies as “nothing”.

This whole week leading up to my birthday off and on I have just been feeling kind of heavy emotionally. Had some off and on days. The kids have been sick, I have had a ton of stuff to do and I am not sleeping as well as I could. So then yesterday when I was going through my bible looking for a certain verse for something I stumble across a verse highlighted in my bible that hit me like a brick in the face.

“But while knowledge makes us important, it is love that strengthens the church. Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesnt really know very much.” 1 Cor 8:1b-2

Can I just say WOW!!!!!!!!!! I have been really chewing on this verse since yesterday. I know in this context it is talking about food sacrificed to idols but I think it definitely applies to other areas spiritually too. So I have been really chewing on it and meditating on it and here are some thoughts I formulated….

It is so easy to be quick to rely on our knowledge, our processes, and the cool things that we can do. I just started as a coordinator for Heartland at our church for a service hour that is desperately in need of volunteers so I have been trying to think of interesting ways to maybe recruit people to support the team I work with. So for me I felt like God was speaking saying….stop worrying about the “things” and just come pray. Love on people, encourage others in there faith, and the volunteers will come.

Along with this verse and some other things God has been showing me I feel like he has given me some new eyes for people. To try and see people how he sees them and not as I would and a heart that just loves them. I met a very sweet lady tonight who is the manager at Baskin Robbins. As I was putting change into a jar they hand on the counter to support Phoenix Childrens Hospital she thanked me for supporting them and started to tell me about a fundraising night they are doing next week for the hospital. I just casually told her that I love to support PCH however I can because my son spent two months there. And about how one of our pastors daughters is there right now fighting brain cancer. She then told me about how her 16 year old daughter has been there since October for a serious heart condition. She spent her 16th birthday on a helicopter flying to PCH where she has been since. Slowly I saw the face of the smiling clerk scooping ice cream disappear and I saw a lady who looked tired and whose heart hurt for her daughter. I dont know if she knows the Lord or not. I hope she does because I cant imagine fighting any health battle without Jesus, but I just wanted to reach over the counter and hug her. Just thinking about her makes me want to cry…. The managers name is Stacy by the way and her daughter is Samantha. Please lift up prayers for them.

So after chewing on this even more tonight I just feel like I want to just get together with folks and pray. I mean honest to goodness heart wrenching praying beyond words intercession. I think there is something really powerful in a group of believers getting together and being broken in front of the Lord together. Whether its on your face, crying laughing, dancing, singing…..however you feel the most open to God. To pray for our friends, for each other, for our ministries, for our leaders and pastoral staff, and for the broken people in our lives who need love so bad it hurts. Dont get me wrong I dont want to say this isnt going on in our church. I believe it probably really is. I have been seeing people all around me take steps of faith and growing more. Our church has wrapped its 32B series that discussed taking different steps to mature in our faith and i feel like this is another step God is wanting me to take. To stop worrying about “things” and what I should do and just rely more on him. I just want to be an open vessel for God to use. I want to be used for his Kingdom. To see other lives changed around me. Guys please share with me your thoughts on this or if God has been showing you something in particular. I would really love to hear it.

I apologize if my words are all over the place. Its late and to be honest I am just kind of typing it as I feel it. I am feeling very transparent at the moment.

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